2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
