Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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