oh god the rape fog is back!
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
