I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
