What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
