The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
