Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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