His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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