Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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