just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
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