capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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