He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
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She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
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I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize