Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
