I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
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Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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