Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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