im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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