We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
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I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
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She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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