I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Actions speak louder than pants.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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