Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
