trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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