you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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