Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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