I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
