Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
