i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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