Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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