I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
her vagine was all disorganized.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
