So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
