So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
