Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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