fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way