I just cut my nipple shaving
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.