dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
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he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
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I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.