It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?