Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.