I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
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I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
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I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies