Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
