and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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