i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
And my parents said I crawled through the house
The struggles of a small town man whore
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
