please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
