Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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