You're completely useless in the revolution.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
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So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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