i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
