Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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