it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
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The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
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So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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