He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
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There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize