So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
