My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
