her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
