I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
