problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
