Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
the day after is always just damage control
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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