You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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