as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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