Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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