whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
