Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
