So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
