just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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