Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
