How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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