I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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