I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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