I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
the condom got lost in my hair
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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