Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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