chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
