I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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