I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
