i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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