angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
