I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
